Road To Legacy

  My name is Amanda and this is my story. Food and I have never really gotten along. In addition to being a severely picky eater, food was never really enjoyable for me. While the majority of the population treats food as a positive experience to spend time with friends and family, there are some people in the world who would rather avoid the hassle entirely. Guess which one I am? As I continued through high school and college, food got harder and my body image got worse. When my sophomore year of college came around, things were pretty rough. I had been diagnosed with anorexia and was seeing a therapist, dietician, and doctor. My friends and family knew I needed help, but they didn’t know what to do. The eating disorder voice was so loud. I spent the majority of each day thinking about food, or really how to avoid it. I stepped on a scale any chance I got, and couldn’t even think about my body without being disgusted. I had a goal weight in mind, and I was desperate to hit it. The v

  It started out safe. A lap around the circle outside my Livingston home, eating one burger instead of two. Then somehow, it all went downhill from there. The positive comments coming from my ballroom champion, miss Baton Rouge 1960 grandmother, my clothes fitting looser than before. It all stirred up the perfect storm. One lap turned into ten, 20 crunches turned into 400 crunches, and one burger turned into a spoon of peanut butter every two days. I was anorexic. I was addicted to the appearance of bones, thin. I remember going to see someone and their baby with my family, but before that we stopped at BabysRus and telling my sister I couldn't feel my thighs rub together when I walked. I was so conscious of my thighs. She looked at me so confused. From there, I don't remember much else besides the notebooks filled with scratches of a pen to stop me from self harming as much as I could because 16 year old me hated myself. Crying at night while I did wall sits because everyone

  NEDA week is here! My mental health and my eating is something I always struggled with. Growing up I don’t remember many parts of my childhood because I have mentally blocked out the times I struggled.  Growing up I would always wonder, why me? Why did I have to fight what felt like this all alone battle with myself, my body, and my self worth.  I don’t deserve this. It came down to always needing to be more, be better, feeling like I had no worth and a craving to be loved.   Anorexia and many other eating disorders for me personally had little to do with wanting to be small, but everything to do with not feeling good enough, comparison, and not being happy with something about myself on the inside. I look at these two photos. Now I am blessed that I am healthy and happy, in a great point of life, in healthy relationships, and have so much joy, passion and purpose.   I look back on me in the other photo, not genuine, struggling to smile, not knowing my worth, and wondering what my pu