Road To Legacy

Jesus. Church. Go to service on Sundays and pay your ties and don't ever let someone see past your oversized sweater and suede ankle boots. All of that sounds so cliche but you know it's true. When I was going through the toughest part of my mental illness I was ashamed to call myself a Christian because of my depression. But what if I told you that Jesus gets us? He walked this earth for 33 years just so that He could one hundred percent get us when we cry out to Him in those 2 am hours. What if I told you that all He sees is a child that's just lost their way and needs to be held? In an article that I read recently on the The Spychiatry Resource named "Stigma and 7 Million American Christians with Depression" written by Len Lantz, he speaks about how mmany Christiains who suffer with the disorder. Even though Christianity is associated with lower Depression rates, it doesn't mean that everyone is going to be the same. I realised that I was depressed ver...

It's taken a while. A long while. In fact, I didn't even think I should even write about it because I didn't even think it was worth writing about. But, here I am, sitting here in my office, going back to relive a pretty hard time in my recent life. I gave up my Miss Southeastern Title almost a month ago. I thought I was ready, but as I stood there watching my farewell video and allowing the memories from the past thirteen months to flood through my brain, I would have fought tooth and nail for that title to still be mine. I broke down in front of hundreds of people hoping that my velvet green gown would distract from the clumping make up and quivering lip that was so unapologetically displayed. I cried taking off my crown for the last time, I put away my sash, not wanting to look at it ever again. I placed my crown on my book shelf and turned away, already surpressing that someone else was now Miss Southeastern. That Friday, I was okay. I kept myself pretty busy, working ...

Christmas is known for the time of year, the traditions, the family get together, and wearing the festive sweaters and trying to make them look cute- even when you know that they aren't. Christmas was a little different for me this year. I actually loved the food.  As a kid, I remember eating so much during Christmas. The pound cake, and the honey glazed ham. Like the ham that I ate until I literally was sick, wasn't my best move. But going through an eating disorder and relapsing, I lost the love for holiday food. Our holidays are built around food, the entire American Culture is. I remember in recent years that I would sometimes shy away from the food at gatherings, unless I would get smaller portions, or skip on what used to be my favorite foods. Those foods made me anxious and all I saw were the numbers, and not the memories. But now, they don't. I caught myself going for seconds, seconds . I never used to do that. But now I do, and my food anxiety is almost gone. Yes, ...

 Whenever I was younger, I always thought that I was supposed to be someone else. Then as I grew up, I became everything I set my mind to, every job that I ever attempted to get, I was hired. I placed in everything. I did good in everything I set my mind to. But yet I still felt that like I didn't deserve any of the accolades that I had achieved.  Welcome to Imposter Syndrome. Also known as Fraud Syndrome, imposter experience, impostorism (yes, it's spelled right). Whatever you might call this feeling, it's real. Imposter syndrome stems from the fear of failure. I was always a perfectionist growing up. I had to make straight A's, I had to be the top of my Homeschool Co-op class, and if I got lower than a ninety, I would freak out. I always felt that my worth was tied to everything that I did.  Being a titleholder, I knew that I was picked for a reason. The judges didn't make a mistake, it wasn't by accident. But sometimes, those little doubts DO creep in and try...

Good morning on this beautiful June morning. I've been up since 4 am because I have started a new summer job at my local gym, taking the morning shifts that begin at 5:15 am. That being said, tired is understatement. Starting out, I was fine, and then my life turned upside down- more than it has been since I won the Miss Southeastern Crown.      Miss Louisiana is in in 13 days, so that means extra prep time, practices, buying things for so many people- including myself. And it doesn't stop there. My life is hectic, working two jobs, and then moving out of my old apartment into a new one within two days (it's still not done by the way, boxes are EVERYWHERE). I have several appearances in the next week and a half, appointments to get myself looking my best and last minute touches on talent. Waking up before the sun even comes up. It gets a little overwhelming sometimes. I look back on the school year and I ask myself: " how in the world did I manage everything that I did...

 Happy Mental Health Awareness Month everyone! As many of you (my readers) know, I am a survivor of Depression, Anxiety, and Anorexia. To pay tribute to this month and what I stand for, I have reached out to other titleholders across the nation and asked them to share their story with me so I can bring it to you. Last post, we had Miss Mile High, Shannon. This week, we have Miss Lancaster County, Kayla Myers! Her social impact Initiative is #choosehealth. She is vying for the job title of Miss Pennsylvania that will be held on June 17-19, 2021!  1: What made you choose your SII? I chose my social impact initiative #ChooseHealth as health and fitness has dramatically changed my life for the better and has allowed me to flourish as an individual. I believe a healthy lifestyle is important for everyone as there are innumerable benefits of living a healthy lifestyle, such as preventing disease, improving mental health, relieving stress, and creating a space for socialization. It i...

 As time moves on, I realize that I am not the only one who has suffered through the lonely road of mental and eating disorders, Shannon Hannaway, a fellow titleholder based out of Colorado, was generous enough to share her story with all of us! 1: how has mental and eating disorders affected you?   Besides seeing it from the outside watching loved ones struggle and die by suicide, I have been impacted by mental illness for as long as I can remember. Growing up I had anxiety with panic attacks, but due to a lack of education and awareness I didn’t know that was what I was experiencing. It took a head injury and Children’s Hospital Colorado for me to get the help and diagnosis I needed from their concussion team. With their help, medication, and therapy I was able to get my anxiety managed and actually came off all of it completely by the time I graduated high school. Unfortunately, my freshman year of college I experienced severe emotional trauma that led to PTSD, and unipolar...

 Good evening ladies and gents, this week has been so busy with all the sports getting underway, but now my attention lies on this next week: NEDA week, National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, and no better to kick this week off with a compelling and inspiring interview with a former colleague of mine who I hold in very high esteem, allow me to introduce Ms. Gabby Cox and her journey with Self Image, Body Positivity and EDs.  1: Which eating disorder(s) did you have? All of this basically started when I was 12 in 5th grade. I had stopped playing sports and had acquired some unhealthy habits. My parents eventually started making me play a sport of my choice so I could be active again. I chose to play soccer because I had played as a child, and my dad played professionally and was a well known coach for over 20 years. Well I quickly realized that I was not very good because I was not in good “soccer shape.” One summer, my dad and I trained everyday and from that training, I wa...

As a child, I had a very good childhood growing up, and then everything changed once I moved from Peru to the United States again. The depression, anxiety and anorexia all set in and I was so, so along going through that. My parents didn't understand what I was going through and thought that I was demon possessed. They didn't believe in counseling but threatened to put me in a mental hospital. I went through this for years, by myself, putting on a brave face because I was terrified of being put in some mental ward.  This post is about support groups. Support in general, really. Being someone who didn't have that much support going through what I went through, I want to make sure that everyone I come across didn't feel like they were alone. Having support around you, helps you admit that you need help. That's what happened to me once I got to college and once I had a friend that is always there for me but will give me tough love to get me through the day and help me ...

 Anxiety. It just isn't a stage fright where you have to imagine everyone in their underwear so you feel as if they are embarrassed and you are superior as you stand in the spotlight. Anxiety is so much more. From biting the inside of your cheek, to ticks, to knocking on the door a certain number of times. Anxiety has so much variety, that sometimes, it goes unchecked until it can ruin someone's life.  Anxiety hit me as a child, because I was a complete perfectionist. I NEEDED to make sure that my parents were proud of me, I was always impressing the adults at the different churches that we would go to, try make sure that the kids around me saw that I was the mother of the group. I let it consume me. As I grew up, anxiety attacks happened. They happened slowly with small tremors in my hands, my chest tightening up, and cold sweats. I would freak out at the slightest change in my grades, freak out at the .6 that would show up on the scale.  Anxiety was always induced becau...

 As the number of degrees lower throughout the beginning of December, so do the number of finals on my plate. Finals have always been a dreaded time for me... most of the time. This time of year meant being away from my routine, people who were my support system and diving back into passive aggressiveness, fights, and verbal punches from relatives that I stayed with for the month and a half because of how I handled myself.  This was the story of every one of my winter breaks. My family didn't approve of my boyfriend, my degree change, or just the overall any type of decision I made for myself. I dreaded breaks, because I knew what it meant. It meant sleepless nights, walking on eggshells, and waking up to have an almost daily debate match between me and my parents.  Everyone knows that suicide rates increase during the holidays. Another type of Depression is also brought on by the winter time: Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). It is seen to be brought on by decreasing da...