The Room Feels like it's Closing in?: You Might Have Some Anxiety

 Anxiety. It just isn't a stage fright where you have to imagine everyone in their underwear so you feel as if they are embarrassed and you are superior as you stand in the spotlight. Anxiety is so much more. From biting the inside of your cheek, to ticks, to knocking on the door a certain number of times. Anxiety has so much variety, that sometimes, it goes unchecked until it can ruin someone's life. 

Anxiety hit me as a child, because I was a complete perfectionist. I NEEDED to make sure that my parents were proud of me, I was always impressing the adults at the different churches that we would go to, try make sure that the kids around me saw that I was the mother of the group. I let it consume me. As I grew up, anxiety attacks happened. They happened slowly with small tremors in my hands, my chest tightening up, and cold sweats. I would freak out at the slightest change in my grades, freak out at the .6 that would show up on the scale. 

Anxiety was always induced because of the pressure to be something or someone I wasn't. I was never myself. College, moving, break ups, and figuring out what life was really about really brought on the worst parts for me. The anxiety attacks were the worst. Absolute worst. If something ever happened that was even the slightest inconvenience. But to me it wasn't the slightest inconvenience, it felt like the world was ending. The first anxiety attack was brutal. My throat closed up, my chest felt like there were nails going in between every rib and ligament in my chest. I would have marks on my hands from my nails digging so far into my palms that they would bruise. Nightmares were the worst, every time that I had a  nightmare I felt tied down, strangled, by my own imagination. It wasn't anything to have two to three, sometimes even five panic attacks a week. Ticks would come during class, it would freak me out if my hangers weren't facing a certain way, and I found myself always thinking there was some impending doom always looming over my head. But the worst one I've ever had was two years ago, at my boyfriend's house, there was something that I had to tell him and I was so terrified that he wouldn't love me anymore that I started having an attack. My throat slowly closed up, until I started hyperventilating, my eyes rolled in the back of my head and everything went black. That's all I remember until I opened up my eyes with my boyfriend over me performing CPR because I was not breathing. 

Anxiety can ruin people's lives. And anxiety has so many faces. According to HHS.gov, there's five major types of anxiety disorders. Generalized Anxiety Disorder, also known as GAD is characterized by chronic anxiety, exaggerated worry and tension. This usually happens when there is little or nothing to provoke it. Obsessive-Compulsive disorder, or OCD, occurs when there are unintentional, unwanted thoughts, and/or repetitive behaviors. Panic Disorder is majorly known to go with panic attacks that include chest pain, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, dizziness, or abdominal distress. Another one that is usually seen in people that have had to face hardships and traumatizing situations, is PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Events may trigger it, cause flashbacks. Events that cause PTSD are violent personal assaults, natural or human-caused disasters, accidents or military combat. Lastly, Social Phobia, Social Anxiety Disorder. This one I've struggled with for a while, along with Panic Disorder, but Social Disorder is characterized by overwhelmingly anxiety and excessive self-consciousness in every day social situations. This can be tied to one type of social situation, or so severe that it happens anytime one is around others.

Please understand that I am by no means a medical professional. I am writing this blog because I want to get my story out there where people can know that they don't have to go through life feeling as if they are the only ones. Because with these disorders, it's easy to feel completely and utterly alone. If you have symptoms of these disorders, I urge you to seek out professional help, and know that I am always here to listen, and talk. Keep going strong you guys, you're stronger than you realize.