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Showing posts from September, 2020

World's a Little Grayer Right Now: It's Okay to have Bad Days

 Whenever I recovered from Situational depression, anxiety and my eating disorder, I always knew that it would be a part of me. I am a soldier, a warrior and a survivor. But even a soldier has flashbacks.  I don't self harm anymore, and I don't starve myself anymore, and I don't lay in bed all day driven to that dark place because I don't feel good enough, but there are some days when I see the world a little grayer than usual.  Situational Depression is brought upon a person due to the situation(s) that they have been placed in by other people, friends, jobs, and/or themselves. It's somewhat harder to diagnose because it's brought on by an event for most, and not exactly a chemical imbalance in their brain.  There have been situations here recently that have made my day a little harder than most. A project that didn't make the grade I wanted, or waiting in the Emergency room for too long when ever I dislocated my pinkie toe. The main one was today, when a t

Labels: The Good, the Bad, and the Dirty of Being Defined

 Everyone's got a nickname, right? Something that a parent or friends have called them that embodies their personality or a main trait that they exhibit the most. These nicknames are what you're known for in life and sometimes they can stick with you for life. For example, my name is Lily. My nicknames were Lilypad, or Silly Lily, or Lils, my youth pastor even called me Lilith for the longest time. Nicknames are cute, and they label you for life.  That's where I want to start: Labels. A label can be anything, your name is a label, your position in a group of people, your position at work. All of these things are labels. I was labeled the "mom friend" of my group in high school. I was also the " Anorexic friend", the "depressed friend", and the "panicky friend". I was these things because I was defined by my past. I also was defined by my family.  I am the oldest of four children. I was an MPK, which means a missionary pastor's kid

Breaking Boundaries: Mental and Eating Disorders Don't have Gender Roles

 As I went about my week, I was thinking " what could be my next topic?" And then it hit me: young girls and women aren't the only ones who suffer from these life altering disorders. Men suffer too. This post will be about the thoughts, journey and recovery through Anorexia and Depression. His name is Andrew West. A seventeen year old high school student who finds himself in the music he plays and the songs he writes.  What was your body image at the time you were feeling the way you were?      When all of this started, I was thirteen almost fourteen. I was five foot six and weight one hundred and seventy pounds. I always thought that being "skinny" or "fit" was what made people like you. I remember crying because of every curve that I had made me the definition of imperfection, or unwanted. Going to high school I just wanted to be cool, or fit in. But I knew it wouldn't happen the way I am.  What was your mental state? I was very depressed. I woul