From Within: Gabby's Journey & the Beginning of NEDA Week

 Good evening ladies and gents, this week has been so busy with all the sports getting underway, but now my attention lies on this next week: NEDA week, National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, and no better to kick this week off with a compelling and inspiring interview with a former colleague of mine who I hold in very high esteem, allow me to introduce Ms. Gabby Cox and her journey with Self Image, Body Positivity and EDs. 

1: Which eating disorder(s) did you have?

All of this basically started when I was 12 in 5th grade. I had stopped playing sports and had acquired some unhealthy habits. My parents eventually started making me play a sport of my choice so I could be active again. I chose to play soccer because I had played as a child, and my dad played professionally and was a well known coach for over 20 years. Well I quickly realized that I was not very good because I was not in good “soccer shape.” One summer, my dad and I trained everyday and from that training, I was unstoppable on the field. However, I became obsessed with being fit and losing weight. In less than a year, I lost over 60 pounds and went from a size 12 to 00. 

I was losing weight rapidly and I refused to allow myself to intake any fattening foods and if I did, I would go run myself into the ground after. I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa not long after I had lost all of that weight. My entire family was worried sick about me. I was so skinny that I couldn’t even play soccer anymore because I had zero energy. I was about 85 pounds and still looked in the mirror and thought I was fat. I distinctly remember developing that layer of white hair known as “lanugo” because my body could not keep itself warm. Well not long after that, I was going to counseling at a Mental Health Clinic in New Orleans every week. I only started cleaning up my act when my parent threatened that I would have to be hospitalized. From then on, I started gaining healthy weight back, but naturally, as most Anorexics do, I developed Bulimia by purging. I did this for years even in college. I struggled for a long time with this. So Anorexia and Bulimia were my two diagnoses. 

2: What was your body image at the time and during your childhood?

The funny thing is, my mom was always instilling self-confidence in me. However, many athletes understand the pressure of maintaining a certain weight. I felt that pressure ten fold. My dad was such a high acclaimed player and coach and I always felt like people were comparing me to him. I always felt like I had to be perfect and criticized myself so badly when I felt I wasn’t. My body image was not good. I hated myself and was disgusted with myself. I remember thinking that I would be so happy when I was super thin, but I think I was more unhappy then. Also I developed some life-long health consequences after going through this. Today, I wish I could go back and love myself. I would give that sad, little girl a hug because she was so much more than her eating disorder. 

3: What was the experience like? 

Well the experience was terrible to say the least. I thrived off of validation from everyone else and that drove my down fall. When I was so skinny, I remember my best friends that are still my best friends today, were so worried about me. I remember one time they even told my coach I wasn’t eating which got me in some trouble. 

I couldn’t perform in soccer when I wasn’t taking care of my body. Soccer became a chore more than the sport I loved. I felt like no one understood me for a long time and honestly, I don’t feel like I ever found myself until my senior year of high school. It was a very difficult process that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I recently got a tattoo that says “warrior” because it reminds me that if I could get myself out of that, I could do anything. 

4: When did you realize that you needed to come out those EDs, what did you do to help yourself?

Honestly, it was a long time for me. Years of back and forth. I think anyone who has ever suffered from an eating disorder can agree that you never actually fully heal. My body healed and my mind healed a lot too, but some days I will still look in the mirror and over criticize my body. 

I overcame anorexia because my parents threatened to put me in a mental hospital (harsh, but it worked). I think the final straw for my mom was when we took a trip to Kentucky to see my aunt and when we were going through airport security, the clerk kept looking at the monitor to see what was in my suitcase. My mom finally realized that it was our (very heavy, metal) scale from home. She was very concerned for me at that point. 

I overcame Bulimia with time. Like I said, it was something that I struggled with for years. But guess what, YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES. I tore apart my esophagus from constantly purging and also my cheeks became very swollen. I realized I didn’t want this life anymore. I cleaned up my diet (healthily) and started working out because I enjoy it now. 

5: Throughout the recovery time, how did your perspective and self image change? 

This was certainly a process and even still is. Loving yourself is a choice everyday. I would be lying if I said this was an easy process everyday. I still have my insecurities like everyone, however, I am in a much better frame of mind with myself now. I let myself live and enjoy life all while maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I’m so much kinder to myself now and I have never been happier.

6: What type of support did you have?

I had the support of all of my family, my coaches and a few friends. Since we were so young, most of my friends could not grasp what I was going through. They better understood when we got older. To this day, my family still makes sure I am feeling okay with myself. Just a “how are you doing?” Or “have you been okay?” That really goes a long way. 

7: What would you tell young women and girls who are struggling with body image, and ED(s) and recovery?

Oh man. What would I tell them? Love yourself, please. There is only one you and you are special. I know things might be difficult, but don’t give up. Your eating disorder does not define you. You are more than food. You are more than what the scale says. You are so much more than just a number. If you find yourself wanting to lose weight or gain weight, do it in a healthy way. Get right with your head first by looking in the mirror every day and every single night and name three things you love about yourself or even just three accomplishments you achieved for the day. Once you get your mind healthy, your body becomes healthy with it. Also, counseling is such a great tool! Please look into it if you need someone to talk to. I can’t say enough how important these things are. Be honest with yourself, listen to your body, and give it what it needs. Do it for your future self and don’t kick yourself in the dirt when you make one mistake. This disorder is so common and so many women do not talk about it in order to live up to modern beauty standards. Start talking and be your own standard! 

As this week goes on, you will be hearing more from me. Make sure to check out my Miss Southeastern page on instagram for more posts, videos and pictures! Thank you all for reading and supporting my blog posts. Ya'll are awesome and know that you all are so very loved and that I'm proud of you.