That IS You: Dealing with Imposter Syndrome

 Whenever I was younger, I always thought that I was supposed to be someone else. Then as I grew up, I became everything I set my mind to, every job that I ever attempted to get, I was hired. I placed in everything. I did good in everything I set my mind to. But yet I still felt that like I didn't deserve any of the accolades that I had achieved. 

Welcome to Imposter Syndrome. Also known as Fraud Syndrome, imposter experience, impostorism (yes, it's spelled right). Whatever you might call this feeling, it's real. Imposter syndrome stems from the fear of failure. I was always a perfectionist growing up. I had to make straight A's, I had to be the top of my Homeschool Co-op class, and if I got lower than a ninety, I would freak out. I always felt that my worth was tied to everything that I did. 

Being a titleholder, I knew that I was picked for a reason. The judges didn't make a mistake, it wasn't by accident. But sometimes, those little doubts DO creep in and try to take over my mind. I feel like sometimes that I don't do enough, that I am not qualified for the job that I was tasked to complete for the year of my reign. Are you sure that you shouldn't go to that event?  Do you think you post enough? You're not doing it right. All of the other titleholders volunteer so much more than you. 

These types of things seem to slip into my mind sometimes. I feel as if I am not worthy to be a titleholder, much less a titleholder for a university. My mind becomes chaotic, I doubt things that I promote, I doubt a ton of things- including myself. Do you every feel like that? Like you don't deserve the title that you have, the scholarships you received, or the promotion you may have gotten. You feel like maybe you don't deserve anything good because you don't feel like you were able to succeed. Because YOU feel like you weren't good enough. 

Well, here's a PSA: people never see you through your lens, they see you through their own eyes. They don't critique every little flaw. They don't judge your every move. In fact, they pay attention to all of the good things that you might do. The little girls that look up to me think the world of me, the students who are comfortable enough to come up to me and tell me their own mental health journey, know that I am their safe space.

The times whenever a child looks up at me with stars in their eyes whenever they have my sash on. Whenever a professor, parent or student tell me thank you for taking time out of my day to speak to them about how amazing my university is. The times whenever I see how much I love being a titleholder, I know that I am here in this position for such a time as this. That is when all of the doubts and second thoughts melt away and drown in the knowledge that I am supposed to be here- YOU are supposed to be exactly where you are. Never let the doubts and second thoughts crowd out the confidence that you should have in yourself because you were made for this. You were meant to be exactly where you are at right now. Never forget that.