NEDA Week 2022: Caroline Trennephol's Story

 NEDA week is here!

My mental health and my eating is something I always struggled with.

Growing up I don’t remember many parts of my childhood because I have mentally blocked out the times I struggled. 

Growing up I would always wonder, why me? Why did I have to fight what felt like this all alone battle with myself, my body, and my self worth.  I don’t deserve this. It came down to always needing to be more, be better, feeling like I had no worth and a craving to be loved. 

 Anorexia and many other eating disorders for me personally had little to do with wanting to be small, but everything to do with not feeling good enough, comparison, and not being happy with something about myself on the inside. I look at these two photos. Now I am blessed that I am healthy and happy, in a great point of life, in healthy relationships, and have so much joy, passion and purpose.   I look back on me in the other photo, not genuine, struggling to smile, not knowing my worth, and wondering what my purpose was. 

It’s a struggle to find recovery, it really is. It isn’t easy, but finding your worth, loving yourself, and finding yourself is so worth it.

 I love my body now! Do I compare myself; yes! Do I have bad days; yes! But I know my strength and self worth. I finally love myself for who I am. I try to be active, I try to be healthy, but I also try to find moderation. 

I find passion, remember I am loved, listen to my friends and family that love me. I know my self worth. 

 I have come so far and I am so proud of my body, all it does for me, and everything it has been through.  I want to treat it right because at the end of the day, it is all we have so we have to treat our body as the temple it really is. 

Triggers still haunt me, when I come home and visit my family. The control I see from my mom on what I eat, when, commenting on my weight gain, how I need to lose weight, not to eat my favorite foods, it still causes me anxiety, haunts me, and makes me want to relapse. But I am strong, I am brave, and I will always know my self worth if I gain or lose weight and regardless of what my family may say about me. It still hurts but I am strong. 

You got this girl and no matter what they say, know your self worth and don’t forget it. 

Love yourself and never forget your worth. Remember your lowest lows, and your highest highs. Life goes on, it does get better, and you can overcome your eating disorder. 

I will never forget something that a family member said to me when I was ten. I remember the exact clothes I was wearing, my family member in the car, and the exact words they said, “Caroline, It looks like you have gained some weight.”

It might not mean anything hearing those words to some, but for me as a perfectionist, It struck me so much.

I thought about what I was eating, I didn’t know that there were other factors such as growth spurts that could be happening during this time.

I was so sad. I felt as though the media portrayed gaining weight as always a terrible scary thing so when I was told I had gained weight, I went into full panic mode.

I didn’t say anything on the outside; I kept it together, but on the inside I was mad at myself.

I felt like I was a disappointment and I had failed my family on gaining weight, but why did I feel that way? At what point do kids learn that gaining weight is such a bad thing.

I honestly was so small I needed to gain weight, but I looked at it as a failure. I was so disappointed in myself.

Unfortunately, at ten this was just the start. It turned into throwing away my lunch everyday, drinking only water, Hiding food, working out all day long, counting every calorie. I worked out all day and did not go out to do things with friends.

I went for a normal check up and the doctor sent me straight to the emergency room because my heart rate was in the 40s and 30s overnight. I was hospitalized. That was only the first time.

This was all because of one negative comment I battled for 10 years with an eating disorder. In and out of hospitals, therapy, I wasn’t allowed to do any activities, had to use a wheelchair to go anywhere, messed up my organs and heart, all because of the FEAR of gaining weight.

I prayed and still pray a lot, It gets better, you can heal, it is painful but so worth it.

If you think you need help, don’t be shy. It is so worth getting help than wasting away the best years of your life to give to your eating disorder.

An eating disorder isn’t an embarrassment or makes you have less worth. It is something to be so proud that you overcame and made you a survivor. I am proud that I overcame my eating disorder and it has shaped me into who I am today.

Be kind with what you say to your children, friends, and family, you don’t know how it can affect others.


Lets stop obsessing as a society about how we or others look and instead appreciate and listen to how we FEEL! Let’s stop the obsession with being skinny and instead focus on being healthy. Do what is right for your body. Health has no exact weight.

I know that I am worthy at any weight regardless of what others may say and you are too.