The Silent Battle: Being a Christian Battling Depression

I was born and raised a non-denominational Christian with more of a traditional Pentecostal twist. I was raised on the mission field, I was raised with the thought that mental health was demon possession/ oppression. The bible does talk about people who were possessed by demons that did have similar symptoms to mental health disorders, but obviously, they are not the same thing. 

As I have mentioned before, my depression didn't hit me until I was 13-14 years old, but I was mostly silent about it because of my upbringing. I remember when I told my mother that I had attempted to kill myself and she grabbed me and screamed a prayer over me. Now that I am older, I can understand the panic but as a thirteen year old child, I was scared out of my mind. Not only was I brought up in a Christian household that had conservative, traditionalist views on the matter, I was saved when I was six years old and have been a Christian my whole life. As a Christian, it's hard to understand why they feel things- especially me being at such a young age, experiencing self mutilation, depression, suicide, and other things that I felt as well. I was told that Christians didn't feel like this, that they found their joy in Christ, their peace- and yet I didn't know how to get to that pinnacle of my faith. I felt completely inferior and it plunged me even deeper because I felt like I was less of a Christian BECAUSE of how I felt. Keep in mind that at this point I was only 16 years old. 

At sixteen years old, you think you know everything, and I most certainly did when it came to the realm of Christianity. I felt like a worthless Christian because I couldn't get to that point. The reason why I felt this way was because I didn't understand what the unconditional love Jesus was talking about in the bible was. It was basically unknown to me because what I thought I was going through was my fault. But it wasn't, it was the situation around me that made me feel so overwhelmed. Once I was able to understand that God wasn't mad at me and I was going to be able to be loved, things started to look up. I understood that God was on my side and wanted to help me get through that valley I was going through. He was going to be there for me no matter what. And although, people in the church did tell me that what I was feeling was because I was sinning and causing harm to the temple that God gave me, they didn't tell me that God actually loved me through all the things that I was feeling. 

Years later, now that I am through the thick of it, I understand that I am not the only Christian who has gone through and knowing that really helped. Although, many people say that Depression is a spirit, there are many misconceptions that comes with being a Christian and going through Depression.  But that's another blog post. 

I know this is a late post, but with everything that has been going on and the current freeze over of the entire state, things that have been a little turned upside down. Louisiana definitely wasn't meant to deal with freezing temperatures. Stay safe out there and remember that YOU are enough, and things will look up. Love you!