Losing Light: Suicide is STILL a thing

 I found out five minutes before going live during worship night at my church. Just scrolling through my instagram stories and I see a friend share the post. Cheslie Kryst, Miss USA 2019, my first Miss USA, fell to her death in the early morning hours yesterday. What was I doing around that time? Getting ready to sing for worship service as one of the main singers. I was terrified, and so unknowing of what was going on in the world around me. Maybe if I had been on my phone and had seen her post, maybe I could have done something?  Her death has been felt around the world and to lose someone so young, so brilliant, and so loving- it's something that's incredibly hard to stomach. I'm sitting at work and I'm STILL looking at my phone, hoping that it was just a mean joke and she's alive and well. I still can't even comprehend.  

Suicide. It's not a joke. It's not romantic. It's not something that people should take lightly. We are thirty one days into 2022, and already 55,000 people are gone due to suicide- Cheslie being one of them. It's real, and it takes people's lives every. single. day. Our hearts are broken every time we see that a celebrity or influential person we love committed suicide. Robin Williams for example, our hearts shattered at his loss. But what if we felt every suicide like this? Suicide affects every single one of us- whether directly or indirectly- it causes a ripple in every day life. Questions run through our minds:" What went through their head?", " What is life going to be like without them?", " What if there was something that I could do to change the course of events..?" 

In the last five years, 240,000 people have committed suicide, and there have been 6.9 million suicide attempts. To give perspective, the Metlife stadium, which is known as the biggest stadium in the NFL, holds 82,500 people- it's not even big enough to hold the number of suicides that have happened in the U.S. in the last five years. Let that sink in for a moment. 

So many people ask me about my SII, they say that it's not worth it. They tell me that Mental health doesn't need to be talked about as much because it's been a part of the conversation for years now. I say to them, it's being talked about because of deaths like Cheslie's, Robin's, like every other suicide that has happened, because those are souls lost, lives cut short, a heart that was quieted by their inner battle. A soul that wasn't ready to give up but was so tired that that was all they could do. They didn't believe they were worth their heartbeat, when they so were- they always would have been. 

So this is my request, be kind. Be kind to your family, your relatives you haven't seen in 8 years, your professors, classmates, strangers, and anyone else you may come across in your lifetime because you never know if you could be the defining factor in saving someone's life. A smile, or telling someone "your shoes are cute", goes so much farther than you'd ever believe. 

If you are someone who is struggling with an inner battle, in silence, in pain, please reach out for help. Talk to me, talk to someone. We want you to live, I want you to live a life full of love and joy, knowing that every day, someone is so proud of you. You are worth it. You are so so so worth it. You were intended to be on this Earth for a purpose and I absolutely believe that. You were created for a divine purpose, by a divine God. And even if you don't believe in God or a higher power, I believe that you were made for a reason and that your life is invaluable and there is no one else like YOU.

Cheslie, you were a light in a dark room, you showed me what confidence looked like as a person, you helped mold me into the titleholder I am today. I never knew you personally, but just being able to watch you host the recent Miss Universes, I fell in love with your personality, your composure and your heart each time. I always looked up to you as a competitor. The pageant world has taken a hit with your loss and I'm unsure if we will ever truly recover. we love you, Cheslie. 

And if you haven't heard this yet today, I love you, I'm in your corner,  I'm proud of you, and I see you. I hear you. You are not alone.