My Space...No Not that Old Social Media Site

It's been over a month since we last talked. So much has happened...too much. But sometimes for a glowstick to glow, it has to be shaken up and cracked. When a glowstick cracks to glow, it doesn't break, but it's broken just enough to see what's actually on the inside. That's currently where I'm at. Since 2020 when I started this blog, I told myself that I would be honest to anyone that would read and let them into my life a little at a time and maybe, just maybe, one might glean from my ever flowing wealth of experiences, stories, and anecdotes. A few months ago, it was the perfect storm. Think like a tornado, you have to have the right weather, temperature, wind speed, and humidity to create one. That's where I was. I was stabbed in the back by someone that I thought would never do that and created a cleft in my heart. Then, I went to the doctor and got a response that I didn't want. "Everything looks good." The doctor said," your thyroid antibodies are just high...per usual. But I do want to send in a referral to a radiologist to check on your thyroid it seems enlarged. Have you been under any stress, anxious or depressed?" I responded and she put me on antidepressants. On top of all that, I was being overworked, spread thinly, and exhausted. My only safe space was contributing to the problem. So, what did I do? Take time and space for myself. It's taken a while, but taking space and recentering yourself and taking that time to breathe your own air really does make a difference. I've done that. I've moved away from certain relationships, have really taken a step back and focused on what I need to focus on and I realized that I can't be responsible for someone else's happiness because I must be responsible for my own and my mental clarity. And somehow I've listened. I've taken the time that I've needed, slept as long as my body needs, do the workouts that I want to do. My mind fog has gone away little by little and my zest for life as a 22 year old is returning. Girl, when I tell you burnout IS REAL? trust me...it is. And I know that I have been harping on burnout and exhuastion for so long but whenever it is a part of life, it's going to be there, and I made a pact to myself to be real and genuine, and that's what I intend on being. Now, I've talked about it, I've ranted about it, but what have I done to combat the burnout? Well, let's see, putting my nose to the grindstone and making myself stop being such a busybody all of the time. Really taking time to know how to breathe. Coming up to Miss Louisiana Week, I have less than a month until check in and I've done all I can do to prepare physically, but what about mentally? Yes, I've grown up, and matured and can speak well, and have so many plans BUT what about the "stop and smell the roses" of my year as Miss Louisiana? Yes, it's a job, but at the same time it's an opportunity of a lifetime where I have to cherish the smaller things. And I'm starting to again, I just have to remember to have grace and know when enough is enough. And sometimes, that IS watching your favorite show, or spending two hours in a bubble bath, or going to church and spending time with the worship team that you love so much. Today was my second week rotation on worship team and I've seen myself really come out of my shell. My life is coming back, I'm falling in love with the music again. All of it...I'm falling in love with all of it again. Now...don't get me wrong. I have changed. I've grown up in the last few months and some people say that I've matured past my years, but it really is the wisdom that I've learned in dealing with people. You know what that is? Loving them from afar. In turn, that means learning to love yourself and becoming what God intended you to be. And sometimes, when doors are shut He opens another one...or even a window that you can climb through to get to the other side. As always, here is your reminder: I am proud of you, I love you and my dear...you are not alone.